Everyday Connections

Hitting, kicking & pushing

When a child hits, kicks, pushes or is about to hurt someone.

An action can be understandable and still need to stop. Notice the situation without assuming the child is cruel, manipulative or trying to hurt you personally.

Words to try

“I won’t let you hit. I’m moving back. I’m here to help.”

Three small steps

1. Move within reach to supervise, but out of striking range. Create space between children and remove dangerous objects. Do not wait for a verbal warning to work if someone is at risk.
2. Check and comfort the person hurt. With two adults, one supports each child. Alone, arrange safe separation while keeping both supervised; get help if this is not possible.
3. Use one short boundary, then fewer words. Stay available at a safe distance. If hitting continues, end the unsafe play and help the child move to a safer space.

When things are calmer

When calm enough to engage, practise one replacement: an open-hand “stop” gesture, “help”, or moving towards an adult. Invite repair, such as bringing a cloth, only if welcome to the person hurt. Model an apology; do not force one.

A simpler starting point

Start near age 2: show “stop” with your hand and model one word or gesture. Stay close enough to help before the next conflict.

When ready for a little more

Try near ages 3–4: rehearse “I’m still using it” with toys. Offer one simple choice for getting help, not a long explanation of motives.

With another caregiver

Agree on the same safety boundary, who tends the hurt child, and a swap phrase: “I need you to take over safely.” No adult has to absorb hitting to prove they are calm.

Something to notice

Look for earlier help-seeking, a safer interruption or an adult noticing sooner. One difficult episode does not erase learning.

Safety & things to avoid

Do not hit back, shame, laugh at the hurt, force hugs, pin the child down or demand an explanation during distress. This is not restraint training.

Biting

When teeth are used on another person, including during excited play.

Biting can occur in different situations: crowding, frustration, tiredness or mouth discomfort. Record what happened before it rather than assigning a fixed label such as “a biter”.

Words to try

“Biting hurts. I’m making space. I’ll help you.”

Three small steps

1. Separate safely and check the person bitten. If the skin is broken, wash with soap and water, cover with a clean dressing and seek prompt medical advice. A deep wound or bleeding that will not stop needs emergency care.
2. Keep the child who bit supervised. Use a brief boundary without shouting or a dramatic replay of the incident.
3. Offer room, a break or help communicating. Look for possible pain or discomfort; ask a health professional about persistent mouth pain or repeated biting.

When things are calmer

Practise “space” or a hand signal with a toy. At a predictable crowded moment, an adult can stay closer and reduce the crowding before a bite happens.

A simpler starting point

Near 2: adult help and environmental changes matter more than a promise not to bite.

When ready for a little more

Near 3–4: practise asking an adult for space before group play; do not assume the skill is reliable under stress.

With another caregiver

Use the same response at home, nursery and grandparents’ homes. Share facts privately, including any injury, rather than calling the child a problem.

Something to notice

What happened just before the bite? Was there a predictable time or crowded place we could change?

Safety & things to avoid

Never bite back. Avoid pretend biting of people, shame, forced apologies or making the hurt child resume play. Do not improvise chew necklaces or mouth items.

Throwing toys & knocking things down

When throwing or crashing risks injury or destroys someone else’s play.

Separate safe exploration from unsafe impact. Knocking down your own soft tower is not the same as throwing a hard block at a person.

Words to try

“That block stays low. This soft ball can go in the basket.”

Three small steps

1. Move people out of range and put the dangerous object safely aside. Do not wait for another throw.
2. Say what can happen instead: rolling a large soft ball, building low or knocking down the child’s own safe construction.
3. If unsafe throwing resumes, pause access to that object and stay with the child. Offer a safe activity, rather than removing all play or affection.

When things are calmer

Practise aiming with G02. Ask permission before knocking down another person’s work. Offer help rebuilding after accidental or deliberate damage, without making repair a punishment.

A simpler starting point

Near 2: use one safe object and one nearby target. Show the action rather than repeating “be careful”.

When ready for a little more

Near 3–4: agree on a “crash tower” everyone is happy to knock down; protect other constructions.

With another caregiver

Agree which objects are for throwing and where. Do not call the same game naughty with one adult and encourage it with another.

Something to notice

Was there a clear place for energetic play, and was the safe alternative actually available?

Safety & things to avoid

No heavy missiles, throwing towards people or animals, or delayed unrelated penalties. Never let a dangerous “natural consequence” teach the lesson.

Tantrums & overwhelming feelings

When disappointment or overload becomes crying, screaming or dropping to the floor.

Look first at safety, pain, tiredness, hunger and sensory demands. You do not have to decide whether an episode is a tantrum or a meltdown before offering sensible support.

Words to try

“You wanted more. It’s finished. I can stay nearby.”

Three small steps

1. Make space safe and lower noise or demands where possible. Keep children away from roads, steps and hazards.
2. Offer presence or comfort without forcing touch. Keep a necessary limit brief and clear. Do not keep explaining it over the crying.
3. Wait, observe and reassess. Practical help or a quieter place may matter more than a breathing exercise. Reconnect when the child can engage.

When things are calmer

At a calm time, practise one way to request “help”, “break” or “finished”. Use a simple predictable ending cue next time, without promising it will prevent all upsets.

A simpler starting point

Near 2: one phrase, a gesture and practical help. A long discussion can wait.

When ready for a little more

Near 3–4: later, name one feeling and one possible next step. Accept pointing or silence instead of an account of the episode.

With another caregiver

One adult can reduce noise or manage bags while another stays available. Swap before either adult becomes overwhelmed.

Something to notice

What did we reduce: risk, noise, confusion or pressure? Success is not simply fewer visible feelings.

Safety & things to avoid

Do not film for shame, abandon, threaten to leave, provoke tears or treat crying longer as progress. Never ignore danger, illness or distress.

“No!” and difficult transitions

Leaving play, getting shoes on or changing from one activity to another.

A refusal does not tell you whether the child cannot, does not understand, is absorbed, is uncomfortable or dislikes the change. Make the next action small enough to show.

Words to try

“Play is finishing. Shoes next. Red shoes or blue?”

Three small steps

1. Approach and get attention in an accessible way: name, gesture or showing the object. Do not require eye contact.
2. Give one concrete direction and a brief pause to process it. Offer two real choices only when both are acceptable.
3. Help begin: bring the shoes closer, hold a sleeve open or walk alongside. Keep the needed transition while acknowledging disappointment.

When things are calmer

Use a simple “first/next” picture or object cue. When time permits, offer a predictable final action, such as one last slide. Do not keep adding last turns after saying the activity is finished.

A simpler starting point

Near 2: show the shoe and say “shoe on”. Break dressing or tidying into one action at a time.

When ready for a little more

Near 3–4: let the child choose the order of two tasks or lead a goodbye parade. Keep time promises concrete and honest.

With another caregiver

Agree who gives the direction. Several adults repeating different instructions usually makes this plan harder to follow.

Something to notice

Did we make the next step clear and doable, rather than simply louder?

Safety & things to avoid

No fake choice about an unavoidable safety task, threats to leave, grabbing roughly or a long chain of commands. Check discomfort when daily care repeatedly causes distress.

Grabbing, sharing & waiting

Two children want the same toy or one child struggles with another person’s turn.

Sharing and waiting are developing skills, not reliable tests of kindness. Protect a child’s ongoing turn and allow some treasured possessions to stay private.

Words to try

“You both want it. It’s Sam’s turn. I can help you wait or find another.”

Three small steps

1. Move close enough to stop grabbing or hitting. Describe the conflict without labelling either child selfish.
2. Help return a grabbed item to the child using it. Offer the waiting child a real alternative or adult company.
3. Arrange a short, concrete next turn when appropriate: “After this car goes through.” Do not promise a turn another child has not agreed to or cannot yet manage.

When things are calmer

Practise with an adult first, using a low-stakes toy and very brief turns. Name what happened: “You gave it back when I asked.” This is more specific than “be good”.

A simpler starting point

Near 2: parallel play with similar objects may work better than repeated swaps. An adult can make their own turn very short.

When ready for a little more

Near 3–4: involve both children in choosing a turn marker or timer. A timer is a support, not a command that overrides all play.

With another caregiver

Agree how to protect turns across homes and playdates. Do not make an older sibling give up everything to prevent the toddler’s upset.

Something to notice

Was waiting supported, rather than demanded for a length the child could not manage?

Safety & things to avoid

No forced sharing of every possession, forced physical affection, comparison or shaming. Step in before conflict becomes unsafe.

Screaming, whining & repeated requests

When a voice or repeated demand is difficult for others, without assuming all loudness is misbehaviour.

First check whether the child needs help, is hurt, cannot make themselves understood or is overloaded. A sound can be a communication attempt, excitement or a sensory need.

Words to try

“I’m listening. Show me what you need.” / “The answer is still no. I can help with the disappointment.”

Three small steps

1. Check the need before judging the tone. Reduce noise, move closer and accept pointing or a familiar communication aid.
2. For a non-urgent request, give one brief answer and the next available option. Do not begin a new argument every time the request repeats.
3. Notice a usable request immediately: “You pointed to the cup; I understand.” Do not withhold necessary help until the child uses a perfect voice.

When things are calmer

Play with loud and quiet sounds only when welcome. Practise a simple signal for getting adult attention, with a realistic expectation of waiting.

A simpler starting point

Near 2: offer two visible choices or model a gesture. Do not demand a full polite sentence.

When ready for a little more

Near 3–4: practise “help please” or an agreed signal. The adult should acknowledge it rather than ignore indefinitely.

With another caregiver

Check hearing, communication and sensory needs together if problems recur. Avoid one adult calling for silence while another keeps increasing the noise.

Something to notice

Was the message understood? Did the adult response make communication easier?

Safety & things to avoid

Never ignore danger or genuine distress. Do not suppress harmless repetitive sounds or movements just to appear typical. This pack does not teach blanket ignoring.

Running off & unsafe climbing

Near roads, exits, windows, stairs, furniture or water.

Physical safety cannot depend on a toddler remembering a rule or winning a stop-and-go game. Adult supervision and a safer environment come first.

Words to try

“Stop. Stay with me. We’re moving somewhere safe.”

Three small steps

1. Act to prevent immediate injury. Move the child away from the hazard and keep close supervision. Get help if you cannot manage the situation safely.
2. Reduce access to the hazard using suitable barriers and a checked play space. Secure furniture and windows appropriately; do not rely on “don’t climb”.
3. Offer a safe place for movement when possible. Rehearse one short safety cue away from actual danger.

When things are calmer

Use G01 indoors or in a secure space for fun, not as proof the child can stop at a road. Before outings, decide who is supervising and how a handover is confirmed.

A simpler starting point

Near 2: assume you need to stay close and manage the environment, even after several successful reminders.

When ready for a little more

Near 3–4: let the child help choose a safe route or play area, but keep adult supervision in charge.

With another caregiver

Grandparents or other carers who cannot safely chase or lift can say so. Change the outing, arrange another adult or choose seated play. That is planning, not failure.

Something to notice

Was there a named supervising adult and a practical prevention plan?

Safety & things to avoid

Never test safety skills beside traffic or water. No blindfolded games, climbing on unstable furniture or leaving “the others” to supervise without agreement.

Dressing, washing & everyday care

When a necessary routine becomes resistance, pulling away or distress.

Consider pain, temperature, texture, tiredness and how much help is needed. Pulling away is information, not automatic proof of defiance.

Words to try

“This feels difficult. We need clean hands. Warm or cooler water?”

Three small steps

1. Check for discomfort and explain the next small action. Use a familiar object, gesture or picture if helpful.
2. Offer control within the task: which sleeve first, which cloth or where to sit. Let the child do the part they can.
3. When safe to pause, stop and adjust before continuing. For essential care that repeatedly causes distress, seek practical guidance rather than escalating force.

When things are calmer

Play a pretend routine with a teddy before the real task. Notice whether the difficult part is touch, a particular garment, the sequence or an unfamiliar caregiver.

A simpler starting point

Near 2: one action at a time, with a show-and-wait approach. Offer help without turning independence into a test.

When ready for a little more

Near 3–4: make a two-picture routine together. Ask what part the child wants to try and what help they want.

With another caregiver

Share what fits: loose sleeves, a soft cloth, a seated position or advance notice. A grandparent’s effective adaptation is worth passing on.

Something to notice

Did we increase the child’s participation and reduce discomfort?

Safety & things to avoid

No forced affection as a reward for cooperation. Do not dismiss persistent pain or hide what you are about to do. Necessary health care may need an individual professional plan.

Mealtimes: throwing & refusing food

When food is thrown, a plate is pushed away or the child will not taste something.

Refusing a food is not the same as unsafe throwing. Address the action without turning eating into an obedience test.

Words to try

“You don’t have to eat that. Food stays on the table. Here is a place for what you don’t want.”

Three small steps

1. Keep the child safely seated and supervised. Offer a small amount at a time and a place for unwanted food, if useful.
2. For throwing, move the thrown item or plate out of range briefly and offer a safe way to continue eating. Check whether the child is finished or needs help.
3. Keep meals predictable and calm. Do not force tastes, bargain over bites or withhold food and drink as a punishment.

When things are calmer

Outside mealtimes, pretend to run a picnic with empty plates. Let the child practise “no thanks”, “more” and “finished”. Real food does not need to be used for play.

A simpler starting point

Near 2: accept a gesture or pushing the plate gently away as a possible “finished” signal; show where food can go.

When ready for a little more

Near 3–4: invite one small preparation task, such as placing a napkin. Tasting remains optional.

With another caregiver

Agree the no-pressure approach with grandparents and other carers. Appreciation for cooking need not be measured by a clean plate.

Something to notice

Did the child have a safe way to refuse, ask for help or finish without a battle?

Safety & things to avoid

No forced feeding or food deprivation. Repeated pain, swallowing difficulty, restricted intake or growth concerns need medical advice; choking is an emergency.

Bedtime without a battle

When settling for sleep becomes a long negotiation.

Start with a short, familiar sequence, not a test of independence. Check discomfort and whether the timing fits this child.

Words to try

“First we get ready, then a story, then rest. Which book shall we choose?”

Three small steps

1. Show two or three pictures for the next steps. Offer one small choice within the routine.
2. Lower stimulation and repeat a calm, brief ending. Acknowledge disappointment without adding endless new tasks.
3. Offer reassurance that fits the child and your capacity. Share the plan with the next caregiver.

When things are calmer

Practise putting a toy to bed in daylight. Notice what makes the actual evening easier.

A simpler starting point

Near 2: use one picture and help with each step.

When ready for a little more

Near 3–4: let the child arrange a simple bedtime picture sequence.

With another caregiver

Agree a manageable routine, not who is the “better” bedtime adult. Share the early preparation as well as settling.

Something to notice

A smoother transition counts even if sleep is not immediate.

Safety & things to avoid

Do not lock a child in or use fear. Persistent sleep difficulty, pain, loud snoring or breathing concerns need professional advice.

Toilet learning, without shame

When trying the potty, refusing it or having accidents.

Toilet learning is a skill, not a measure of goodness. Comfort, access, communication and developmental readiness all matter.

Words to try

“Your clothes are wet. Let’s get comfortable. We can try again another time.”

Three small steps

1. Respond to accidents neutrally and help with clean, dry clothes. Keep the child’s dignity and privacy.
2. Make the toilet easy to reach. Use a stable potty or suitable seat with supported feet, and offer short, unpressured opportunities.
3. Pause a struggle. Watch for pain or constipation rather than treating resistance as disobedience.

When things are calmer

Use a toy to practise the sequence: toilet, wipe with help, clothing, wash hands. This is pretend play, not a deadline.

A simpler starting point

Near 2: introduce words, gestures and the equipment gently.

When ready for a little more

Near 3–4: offer manageable clothing and invite one step they can do.

With another caregiver

Use the same neutral words. Keep spare clothes where care happens, without public accident charts.

Something to notice

Notice comfort and communication, not a race towards dry days.

Safety & things to avoid

Never punish, force long sits or restrict drinks to prevent accidents. Pain, constipation or new persistent accidents need healthcare advice.

Goodbyes with a clear return

When a child clings at a care handover.

Preparation and a predictable goodbye can support a transition. Tears do not prove either failure or that the setting is right. Stay curious about the child’s experience.

Words to try

“Grandma is staying with you. I’m coming back after lunch. Shall we wave from here?”

Three small steps

1. Confirm that the receiving adult is ready. Share practical needs privately.
2. Use a short, honest goodbye and a return cue the child understands. Do not disappear without saying goodbye.
3. Let the receiving adult offer comfort in a welcome way. Agree how they will update you if distress persists.

When things are calmer

Practise brief, supported separations in a familiar setting. Make return promises you can keep.

A simpler starting point

Near 2: a familiar object and one clear phrase can be enough.

When ready for a little more

Near 3–4: use a simple picture of the day and point to the return.

With another caregiver

The receiving caregiver can develop their own welcome ritual. They are not just a substitute for the departing adult.

Something to notice

Notice whether the child can accept support, not whether they never cry.

Safety & things to avoid

Do not force a hug or ignore reports of fear. Persistent, severe or worsening distress needs discussion with the setting and a qualified professional.

A new baby, and room for everyone

When an older child seeks more help, attention or closeness.

A new sibling changes everyday life. Make room for mixed feelings without requiring the older child to be delighted or grown-up all the time.

Words to try

“There is room for your feelings too. You don’t have to help to be important.”

Three small steps

1. Keep babies safe and supervise all sibling contact. Stop rough actions without labelling the older child.
2. Offer a small, predictable time with a trusted adult. Invite helping only when wanted and safe.
3. Acknowledge the change. Offer comfort without comparing the children or blaming every limit on the baby.

When things are calmer

Let the older child choose a familiar game. A grandparent or co-caregiver can protect this small moment while another adult cares for the baby.

A simpler starting point

Near 2: use simple words and practical help.

When ready for a little more

Near 3–4: invite a pretend-care game, with permission to say no.

With another caregiver

Give attention to the older child as well as admiring the baby. Share meals and chores, not just baby-holding.

Something to notice

Notice a moment of inclusion, not compulsory affection.

Safety & things to avoid

Never leave a young child responsible for a baby. Persistent distress, new physical symptoms or unsafe behaviour needs support.

My body, my greeting

When a child does not want a hug, kiss or tickling.

Connection does not require touch. Adults can model asking, listening and stopping, without making a child responsible for preventing harm.

Words to try

“A wave, a hello, or just staying near me are all okay.”

Three small steps

1. Offer a greeting without pressure. Accept a gesture, spoken hello or no greeting.
2. Stop tickling or playful touch when the child says no, pulls away or looks uncomfortable. Do not use laughter as consent.
3. For essential care, explain what is needed, offer small choices and pause when safe. Seek help if care is painful or regularly distressing.

When things are calmer

Play the greeting-menu game with toys. Make “no thanks” an ordinary, respected answer.

A simpler starting point

Near 2: model stop with one word or a hand signal.

When ready for a little more

Near 3–4: rehearse telling a trusted adult about something uncomfortable.

With another caregiver

Explain to relatives that declining a hug is not rejection or rudeness. Everyone’s boundaries matter.

Something to notice

Notice whether “stop” is respected promptly by adults.

Safety & things to avoid

Never insist on secrets about touch. Listen calmly to a safety concern, avoid repeated questioning, and seek local safeguarding help when needed.

When the screen goes off

When it is hard to end a programme or game.

A clear ending and a doable next activity can help. This includes using this site: it is here to start real-world connection, not keep children clicking.

Words to try

“This is the last part. Then the screen rests. Shall we waddle or walk to the kitchen?”

Three small steps

1. Agree an ending before starting. Turn off autoplay and avoid promising just one more repeatedly.
2. Give a concrete reminder, then follow through calmly. Acknowledge the disappointment.
3. Offer one simple off-screen option and adult support. Protect people and objects if frustration becomes unsafe.

When things are calmer

Make a small “finished” ritual, such as parking the device out of the play area. Adults can model it too.

A simpler starting point

Near 2: the adult manages the stopping and transition.

When ready for a little more

Near 3–4: choose the next activity together before switching on.

With another caregiver

Share the ending cue across caregivers. Avoid using access as a comparison between adults.

Something to notice

Notice a supported ending, not immediate happiness about it.

Safety & things to avoid

Do not shame, snatch as punishment or make a child earn emotional support. Screen use should not displace sleep, movement or relationships.

Busy places, gentler exits

When noise, crowds or demands become too much.

Look for practical or sensory pressures without diagnosing. An activity that delighted yesterday may be too much today.

Words to try

“We can find a quieter spot. You don’t need to explain now.”

Three small steps

1. Check immediate safety, pain, hunger, temperature and fatigue. Reduce demands and speech.
2. Offer a quieter, supervised place or a familiar comfort that is welcome. Keep exits and access routes clear.
3. Leave or shorten the activity when needed. A smaller outing is not a failure.

When things are calmer

Before going out, identify a quiet option, an exit and the adult responsible for supervision.

A simpler starting point

Near 2: observe signals and offer practical support.

When ready for a little more

Near 3–4: rehearse a simple break gesture when calm.

With another caregiver

Agree that asking to leave is support, not criticism. Choose roles that fit each adult’s mobility and energy.

Something to notice

Notice whether adults adapt sooner rather than whether the child tolerates more.

Safety & things to avoid

Do not force touch, eye contact or exposure to “toughen up”. New or persistent pain, distress or loss of skills needs professional assessment.

Starting nursery or a new care routine

When a new setting or caregiver joins daily life.

Make the unfamiliar more predictable. Share useful information with the adults caring for the child without asking the child to perform being “ready”.

Words to try

“We’ll see the room together. You can watch before you join.”

Three small steps

1. Arrange a visit or orientation where possible. Find the person who will welcome the child and where help is available.
2. Share communication, comfort, access and care needs privately. Agree how the setting will contact you.
3. Keep the first days manageable where possible and allow recovery time afterwards. Listen to the child’s experience.

When things are calmer

Act out a tiny day with toys: arrive, play, ask for help, return home. Let the child change the story.

A simpler starting point

Near 2: familiar people, objects and repeated cues matter.

When ready for a little more

Near 3–4: invite a simple question or picture about the new place.

With another caregiver

Agree pickup and handover responsibilities between adults. Ask what each caregiver needs to support the transition.

Something to notice

Notice small signs of familiarity and whether support is available.

Safety & things to avoid

Do not dismiss reports of fear or pressure the child to hug staff. Persistent distress or safety concerns need timely follow-up.

Freeze-and-go animals

A penguin parade with very wobbly statues.

What you need: None. A clear, non-slip space. · 3–5 min

Three small steps

1. Choose an animal and move together: penguin waddles, tiny mouse steps or seated bird wings.
2. Say “freeze” and become a silly statue for a moment. Say “go” and move again. No one is out for wobbling.
3. Let the child call the next animal or the stop signal. Finish with one slow snail round.

A simpler starting point

Near 2: copy the adult; freeze only briefly, with a visible hand cue.

When ready for a little more

Near 3–4: take turns being the caller. Add one new movement, not several new rules.

With another caregiver

A seated grandparent can be the caller or make wing movements. Movement can be as small as one finger.

Safety & things to avoid

Clear the floor; no running into people. Never use this game to test readiness for roads or water.

The soft-ball post office

Special delivery: one very soft parcel.

What you need: A large age-appropriate soft ball and a stable open basket. · 4–6 min

Three small steps

1. Place the basket nearby and announce, “The post office is open!” Show a gentle roll towards it.
2. Invite the child to deliver the parcel by rolling or a low, gentle toss. Move the basket closer if needed.
3. Swap roles: the child chooses the destination and the adult makes a comically slow delivery.

A simpler starting point

Near 2: use one basket and roll or place the ball inside.

When ready for a little more

Near 3–4: add a second destination or ask which route to try, without keeping score.

With another caregiver

One adult can stay seated at the post office. Another can retrieve parcels, if available.

Safety & things to avoid

Use a ball too large to fit in the mouth, with no loose parts. No balloons, small balls or throwing towards people, animals or breakables.

Teddy’s space bubble

A tiny pretend problem with a helpful ending.

What you need: Two soft toys without loose parts, or two adult hands as characters. · 3–5 min

Three small steps

1. Make one toy move too close to the other, without hitting. Say, “Bear needs some room.”
2. Model a hand signal or “stop”, then move the other toy back. Ask whether the bear wants help or more space.
3. Let the child direct a second scene. End with each toy choosing its own place to sit.

A simpler starting point

Near 2: the adult models the whole scene; pointing to a place is participation.

When ready for a little more

Near 3–4: let the child invent a request, a helpful adult or a different ending.

With another caregiver

Another caregiver can voice the helpful character, using the same help signal as at home.

Safety & things to avoid

Play only when welcome and calm. Do not reenact a recent incident to blame the child, or make the toys hit and bite repeatedly.

The dry car wash

One wash, one wave, then the next customer.

What you need: Large safe toy vehicles and a clean dry cloth. No water needed. · 4–7 min

Three small steps

1. Make a car wash on a table or floor. The adult wipes one vehicle with a silly “swish, swish”.
2. Invite the child to be the washer or driver. Make the adult’s first turn very short.
3. Swap when agreed, or use two cloths and wash side by side. Finish by parking the vehicles.

A simpler starting point

Near 2: side-by-side washing may be the whole game. Do not force a swap.

When ready for a little more

Near 3–4: choose a turn cue, such as two wipes and a wave; change it together if waiting is too hard.

With another caregiver

A seated caregiver can be the cashier with pretend payments made by a wave, not small coins.

Safety & things to avoid

Use age-appropriate toys without loose wheels or parts. Avoid water, cleaning products, coins and timed pressure.

The very confused sock

A sock is looking for a foot and keeps getting lost.

What you need: One clean adult sock, or no prop and an imaginary sock. · 2–4 min

Three small steps

1. Put the sock on your own elbow and wonder, “Is this my foot?” Pause for the child’s response.
2. Follow the child’s correction, then make one more harmless mistake if they enjoy it.
3. Let the child become the sock expert. End before the joke stops being fun.

A simpler starting point

Near 2: one visible mistake, then follow their pointing.

When ready for a little more

Near 3–4: the child can invent a silly dress code for the adult.

With another caregiver

Grandparents can add a familiar phrase or rhyme in the language they enjoy using.

Safety & things to avoid

Keep socks away from faces, necks and mouths. Never use the joke to force clothing onto a distressed child.

The mirror that follows you

For once, the grown-up has to copy.

What you need: None. Sit or stand comfortably. · 2–5 min

Three small steps

1. Invite the child to choose a small movement: wiggle a finger, lift a hand or tilt their head. Copy it gently.
2. Wait for another movement, without correcting the child’s version. Add a funny puzzled face only if welcome.
3. Ask whether to swap leaders or keep following. Stop when either person wants a break.

A simpler starting point

Near 2: copy spontaneous movements rather than giving a list of instructions.

When ready for a little more

Near 3–4: try a two-movement sequence, then let the child simplify it.

With another caregiver

A caregiver with limited movement can mirror with fingers, voice or a toy. Exact matching is not required.

Safety & things to avoid

No touching, grabbing or forced eye contact. Choose comfortable movements; imitation is an invitation, not a test.

Animal delivery service

A mouse has a napkin delivery. A penguin has two.

What you need: Two clean cloths and two stable open baskets, or imaginary parcels. · 4–6 min

Three small steps

1. Put baskets a short distance apart. Invite the child to deliver one light cloth using tiny mouse steps.
2. Choose another animal or deliver while seated, passing the cloth from one side to the other.
3. Let the child give the adult a delivery job. Close the shop together and put the cloths away.

A simpler starting point

Near 2: one cloth and one destination, shown by the adult.

When ready for a little more

Near 3–4: choose which basket receives each delivery, or add a funny greeting.

With another caregiver

One caregiver can be the seated customer; nobody needs to crawl or lift a child.

Safety & things to avoid

Clear, non-slip route; no stairs, unstable obstacles or heavy loads. Do not cover heads or faces with cloths.

Where is the sleepy bear?

A tiny hide-and-find adventure.

What you need: One large soft toy and a small clean cloth. · 3–5 min

Three small steps

1. Let the child watch you partly hide the toy, leaving a paw visible. Wonder where it went.
2. Wait for pointing, looking or uncovering. Celebrate finding the bear without loud surprise.
3. Let the child hide the toy while you look in one obviously wrong place. Then tuck only the toy in for a rest.

A simpler starting point

Near 2: keep most of the bear visible; one hiding place is enough.

When ready for a little more

Near 3–4: try two safe visible locations or give one clue.

With another caregiver

Grandparents can tell a tiny story about the toy’s nap. A seated tabletop version works well.

Safety & things to avoid

Hide toys, never children. Do not cover a person’s face, use a closed container or turn the game into a frightening jump scare.

Tiny weather orchestra

Make a little rain, then choose a quiet sky.

What you need: None. · 2–4 min

Three small steps

1. Ask whether the child wants quiet finger-rain. Tap your own fingertips together softly, or just move them silently.
2. Invite the child to choose sunshine hands, a slow breeze or another comfortable movement. Copy their choice.
3. Let either person signal “enough”. Finish with still hands or simply move on.

A simpler starting point

Near 2: copy one movement without needing to name a feeling.

When ready for a little more

Near 3–4: the child conducts two kinds of weather, choosing the volume.

With another caregiver

Two caregivers can show different gentle weather. The child does not need to choose a favourite adult.

Safety & things to avoid

No loud thunder, forced breathing or surprise touch. This is optional play, not a treatment or a demand to calm down.

The no-pressure picnic

An imaginary café where “no thanks” is allowed.

What you need: Two unbreakable empty plates and a soft toy. No food required. · 4–7 min

Three small steps

1. Invite the child to open a pretend café. Order an imaginary soup made of clouds or a sandwich for a giant.
2. Model “more please”, “finished” and “no thanks”. Let the teddy decline politely and still stay at the picnic.
3. Swap customer and cook. Let the child choose what happens to the imaginary leftovers.

A simpler starting point

Near 2: offer two pretend choices; pointing is enough.

When ready for a little more

Near 3–4: invent a menu and practise short exchanges or turns.

With another caregiver

A grandparent can contribute a favourite family dish as make-believe, without requiring the child to taste it later.

Safety & things to avoid

No actual tasting needed. No small pretend food pieces, breakable dishes, food rewards or pressure to clean a plate.

The goodbye parade

Toys finish their adventure one little step at a time.

What you need: Two age-appropriate toys and their usual storage place. · 3–5 min

Three small steps

1. Tell the toys what comes next: “One last ride, then your parking place.” Show the tiny final ride.
2. Invite the child to parade one toy home with a wave, a quiet sound or an invented goodbye.
3. Say the next real step simply. The adult joins the tidying instead of turning it into a race.

A simpler starting point

Near 2: carry one toy together or let the child point to its place.

When ready for a little more

Near 3–4: choose the order of two toys or invent a goodbye phrase for each.

With another caregiver

Keep the same ending cue across caregivers, but let each adult bring their own accent, language or silly voice.

Safety & things to avoid

Do not use play to override distress. No threats that toys or adults will disappear forever; keep the final-turn promise honest.

The story with a missing bit

A sleepy duck needs the child to finish the adventure.

What you need: None, or a familiar picture book. · 3–6 min

Three small steps

1. Begin: “A little duck put on one shoe and went to the…” Pause and accept a word, gesture or any funny ending.
2. Repeat the child’s idea: “The moon! Duck went to the moon.” Add one small problem, such as a missing chair.
3. Let the child help solve it or invite another caregiver to add a line. Finish before the story feels like homework.

A simpler starting point

Near 2: offer two endings using gestures, such as bed or park. Repeat favourite parts.

When ready for a little more

Near 3–4: take turns adding a sentence, or let the child change the whole story.

With another caregiver

Tell it in any familiar language. A grandparent’s story need not match the other household’s version.

Safety & things to avoid

No correction quiz, frightening ending or requirement to speak. The child can listen, point or stop.

The hello menu

A wave, a bow, a silly hello. You choose.

What you need: No materials needed. · 2–4 min

Three small steps

1. Offer three greetings: a wave, a tiny bow or a funny spoken hello. “No thanks” is an option too.
2. Let the child choose, invent a greeting or watch. Copy their choice.
3. Swap roles. Let the adult decline a greeting kindly, then choose another.

A simpler starting point

Near 2: offer two gestures and model them.

When ready for a little more

Near 3–4: invent a greeting for a toy visitor.

With another caregiver

Grandparents and other adults can bring a greeting from their own language.

Safety & things to avoid

No compulsory touch, kisses or eye contact.

The tiny noticing walk

Find one colour. Discover a whole little world.

What you need: A safe room or supervised path. No collecting needed. · 3–5 min

Three small steps

1. Choose one colour or shape to notice. Look together without a timer.
2. Point to something you find. The adult describes it without turning it into a quiz.
3. Let the child choose what to look for next, or stay with the first discovery.

A simpler starting point

Near 2: look at one nearby object together.

When ready for a little more

Near 3–4: invent a story about one thing you noticed.

With another caregiver

Play seated by a window or from a chair.

Safety & things to avoid

Supervise outdoors. Do not pick up unknown objects or approach roads, water or animals.

The toy bedtime club

A very sleepy teddy needs a small routine.

What you need: One age-safe toy and a small cloth. · 4–6 min

Three small steps

1. Ask the child what teddy does before rest. Choose two simple steps.
2. Act them out, with teddy making a harmless, silly mistake. Let the child help or change the story.
3. Tuck teddy in and whisper a goodbye. Stop or restart only if everyone wants to.

A simpler starting point

Near 2: copy one action such as covering teddy.

When ready for a little more

Near 3–4: draw two pictures for teddy’s routine.

With another caregiver

A tired adult can be the narrator from a chair.

Safety & things to avoid

Keep cloths away from faces and babies. No real medication, water or toiletries in pretend play.

A tiny day on paper

Draw a path for a toy, then choose where it goes.

What you need: Paper, a large crayon and one large toy. · 5–8 min

Three small steps

1. An adult draws three simple places: home, a play space and home again.
2. Move the toy along the path and describe one thing it might do.
3. Let the child change a destination or add a helper. Accept an unexpected story.

A simpler starting point

Near 2: point and move the toy together.

When ready for a little more

Near 3–4: let the child draw or describe a new place.

With another caregiver

Each caregiver can add a familiar welcome, without testing recall.

Safety & things to avoid

Use age-safe art materials with supervision. No small counters or pieces.

Slow snail, tall tree

Big or tiny movements, at your pace.

What you need: No props. A clear space. · 2–4 min

Three small steps

1. Become a slow snail with one small hand movement.
2. Become a tall tree by stretching only as comfortably as you can. Seated movements count.
3. Let the child choose a new shape. Finish with a comfortable resting position.

A simpler starting point

Near 2: copy one movement.

When ready for a little more

Near 3–4: lead a two-shape sequence.

With another caregiver

Different bodies can do different versions of the same idea.

Safety & things to avoid

No forced stretching, balancing or breath holding. Stop with discomfort or dizziness.

Teddy’s weather report

Sun, cloud or rain: all stories are welcome.

What you need: A toy, or just your imagination. · 3–5 min

Three small steps

1. Imagine teddy’s day as weather: sunny, cloudy, rainy or something else.
2. Ask what teddy might like: company, space or help with a task. There is no correct answer.
3. Offer teddy one small kindness. The child can keep their own feelings private.

A simpler starting point

Near 2: choose between two pretend weather ideas.

When ready for a little more

Near 3–4: invent a weather change and a helpful response.

With another caregiver

Adults can model uncertainty: “I wonder what teddy needs.”

Safety & things to avoid

Do not infer a diagnosis or demand personal disclosure. Use play when welcome, not during unsafe distress.

A little picture for you

Make something to share, without a perfect result.

What you need: Paper and chunky, age-safe crayons. · 5–8 min

Three small steps

1. Think of a trusted person who helps care for the child.
2. Make marks, a picture or a pretend message. The adult can write words the child chooses.
3. Keep it, give it in person or let an adult arrange a suitable way to share.

A simpler starting point

Near 2: freely make marks with adult supervision.

When ready for a little more

Near 3–4: add a made-up story or dictate a message.

With another caregiver

A grandparent can make a reply. Giving and receiving can go both ways.

Safety & things to avoid

No photos, names or messages are uploaded here. Do not require contact with someone unsafe.

Two builders, two ideas

Build side by side before building together.

What you need: Large age-safe blocks, enough for two small builds. · 5–8 min

Three small steps

1. Give each person their own small set. Build nearby without demanding sharing.
2. Notice the other person’s idea. Ask before adding or changing anything.
3. Invite a shared bridge between the builds, or keep them separate. Both endings are fine.

A simpler starting point

Near 2: parallel play is enough.

When ready for a little more

Near 3–4: try one invitation: “Can I add this?”

With another caregiver

Adults practise asking rather than improving the child’s work.

Safety & things to avoid

No small parts or unstable tall towers. Stop if the child wants to keep their construction separate.

A little time, led by the child

When you have a small, safe window to be together.

Words to try

“We have a few minutes together. What would you like us to do?”

Three small steps

1. Agree on a short time you can genuinely offer. Set aside distractions where possible.
2. Let the child choose a safe activity. Join without turning it into a lesson.
3. Give a gentle ending cue. Acknowledge disappointment without promising extra time you do not have.

One small practice

Let the child arrange three large, age-safe objects. Ask them to show you their idea, then follow it.

With another caregiver

Agree who is available so a little connection time does not quietly become another adult’s extra work.

Something to notice

Did I follow their interest, or quietly take over?

Safety & things to avoid

No special toys, separate room or perfect daily routine required. Respect a wish not to join.

Make room for playful choice

When the child seems open to gentle, shared play.

Words to try

“Would you like to teach a very confused robot one move?”

Three small steps

1. Invite, rather than insist. You can play the robot while the child chooses a movement.
2. Make one harmless, silly mistake. Let the child correct you or change the game.
3. Follow their response. Continue only while it is welcome; quiet enjoyment counts too.

One small practice

Try a seated version using one hand movement. No running, equipment or loud voice needed.

With another caregiver

Pass on a favourite game and its stop signal. Each caregiver can bring their own playful style.

Something to notice

Could the child change the game or stop it easily?

Safety & things to avoid

Stop at “no”, pulling away or discomfort. Never force tickling or laughter, and do not use play to override distress.

Stay available for a hard feeling

When the child is upset and everyone is physically safe.

Words to try

“This is hard. I can stay nearby. You do not have to talk.”

Three small steps

1. Check practical needs first: discomfort, hunger, fatigue, noise or a frightening situation.
2. Offer a calm presence at a distance the child can tolerate. Use fewer words.
3. Reassess. A quieter place, practical help or a break may be more useful than more talking.

One small practice

Rehearse one sentence before the next difficult moment. You do not need a perfect speech.

With another caregiver

Tell the next caregiver what seemed helpful, rather than labelling the child “difficult”.

Something to notice

Did I make room for a feeling without deciding its cause?

Safety & things to avoid

Do not provoke or prolong crying. Never require touch, eye contact or disclosure. Seek help for concerning or persistent distress.

Keep the limit, keep the connection

When an action needs to stop, especially if someone could be hurt.

Words to try

“I will not let anyone get hurt. We can be angry and keep our bodies safe.”

Three small steps

1. Protect the person at risk. Create space and move dangerous objects away when safe.
2. State one clear boundary in a calm voice. Avoid threats, insults or a long argument.
3. Once safe, stay available. Later, practise a safer way to ask for space or help.

One small practice

Write one boundary in ten words or fewer. Then say it aloud without a threat.

With another caregiver

Agree the safety boundary together. Supporting another adult never means ignoring harmful behaviour.

Something to notice

Did I stop the action without labelling the child as bad?

Safety & things to avoid

This card does not teach physical restraint. If you cannot keep everyone safe, get immediate help.

Find another adult to listen

When you need support, not another list of things to do.

Words to try

“Could we take five minutes each to talk? Please listen first rather than fix it.”

Three small steps

1. Choose someone you trust. Agree on time, privacy and the right to stop.
2. Take turns. The listener gives attention without interrupting or judging.
3. Ask before moving into advice. End by checking what each person needs next.

One small practice

Start with: “One thing that felt heavy this week was…” You may keep details private.

With another caregiver

The listener need not be your co-parent. Choose a safe person who can respect your limits.

Something to notice

Did I feel respected, and could I say no?

Safety & things to avoid

Not therapy or emergency support. Never promise secrecy about immediate danger. Do not use a child as your adult listening partner.

A pause for you, too

When you notice you are close to shouting or losing control.

Words to try

“I am getting overwhelmed. I need a moment so I can speak more gently.”

Three small steps

1. Keep children safely supervised. Ask a trusted adult to take over when available.
2. Stop the argument. Notice your feet or a steady object; take a comfortable breath if that helps.
3. Return to one small next step. You can postpone a non-urgent discussion.

One small practice

Choose a private cue such as touching your fingertips together. Practise it when things are calm.

With another caregiver

Use a clear handover: “Can you take over?” Wait for “Yes, I have them” before stepping away.

Something to notice

What was my earliest sign that I needed support?

Safety & things to avoid

A pause is not leaving a child unsafe. If you fear you might hurt someone, seek immediate help and a safe handover.

Come back and repair

After you have shouted, frightened someone or spoken unfairly, once safe and calmer.

Words to try

“I shouted. That was my responsibility, not yours. I am sorry. I will practise pausing sooner.”

Three small steps

1. Name what you did without adding “but you made me”.
2. Let the child respond, or not. Do not ask them to reassure you or forgive immediately.
3. Choose one concrete change. Keep any necessary boundary separate from the apology.

One small practice

Write a two-sentence apology and one action you can actually practise.

With another caregiver

Adults can repair with each other too. Keep private adult problems out of the child’s listening role.

Something to notice

Did I take responsibility without making a promise of perfection?

Safety & things to avoid

Repair does not erase harm. Repeated fear, threats or violence need additional support and a safety plan, not just apologies.

Less input, more room

When sound, light, touch or crowding may be too much.

Words to try

“We can move somewhere quieter. You do not need to explain right now.”

Three small steps

1. Reduce one possible source of discomfort, or offer a safer, quieter place.
2. Lower demands and use fewer words. Allow safe movement or familiar ways of settling.
3. Later, ask or observe what helped. Adapt to the individual rather than insisting on one calming method.

One small practice

Identify one quieter option before an outing. It can be nearby, free and simple.

With another caregiver

Share useful preferences, such as less noise or no surprise touch, with people who need to know.

Something to notice

Did I reduce the burden, or add another demand to “calm down”?

Safety & things to avoid

Do not force eye contact or touch. These signs do not diagnose autism. Persistent difficulties may need qualified support.

Pass the care, not the blame

When a child moves between adults, homes or parts of the day.

Words to try

“Here is what happened, what helped, and what comes next. Are you ready to take over?”

Three small steps

1. Give a short factual update: food, rest, feelings and any change that matters for safe care.
2. Say what helped and what is next. Follow existing written care instructions; do not guess.
3. Wait for the receiving adult to confirm. Tell the child who is caring for them now.

One small practice

Rehearse a handover using three headings: now, helped, next.

With another caregiver

A brief written note is an option when schedules do not overlap and sharing is safe.

Something to notice

Did the next person receive useful information without criticism?

Safety & things to avoid

Keep private details on a safe, agreed channel. Never use the child as a messenger between adults.

Share a whole piece of care

When one adult is carrying the remembering, planning and doing.

Words to try

“Which part can you take from start to finish, and what would help you do it?”

Three small steps

1. Choose one manageable task together, such as preparing for an outing. Include the planning and follow-up.
2. Agree who takes it, when it happens, what resources are needed and who can be backup.
3. Check back briefly. Notice the contribution, then adjust the load to real time, energy and capacity.

One small practice

Try one shared task once. Review it before making a bigger commitment.

With another caregiver

Agree safety essentials while leaving room for different safe ways of doing the task.

Something to notice

Did we share responsibility, or only hand over instructions?

Safety & things to avoid

Consent matters. No caregiver owes unlimited time, unpaid work or money. Keep agreed responsibilities clear.

Make room for help and for limits

When inviting a co-parent, grandparent or another caregiver to help.

Words to try

“What would you enjoy taking on? What is too much? Either answer is welcome.”

Three small steps

1. Ask about interests, strengths and time. Being family does not make care an obligation.
2. Agree a specific offer: hours, rest, transport and costs. Make declining possible.
3. Name a helpful action: “You found a quieter spot.” Review the arrangement when needs change.

One small practice

Make one clear request. Accept a no or a smaller offer.

With another caregiver

Each caregiver can bring different safe songs, stories and routines.

Something to notice

Could everyone name a need without guilt?

Safety & things to avoid

Grandparent and kinship carers need support too. Thanks cannot replace rest, resources or fair pay.

Different views, one safe next step

When adults disagree and it is safe to talk without pressure or intimidation.

Words to try

“We see this differently. What does the child need now, and what can wait?”

Three small steps

1. Address immediate safety first. Move non-urgent disagreement away from the child, without making them carry messages.
2. Describe one observation and one request. Separate health and safety needs from personal preferences.
3. Agree one safe next step and a time to review. Stop the discussion if it becomes threatening.

One small practice

Replace “You always…” with “I noticed… Could we try…?”

With another caregiver

You do not need identical styles. This toolkit does not override existing care or safety arrangements.

Something to notice

Did we protect the child from being asked to choose sides?

Safety & things to avoid

Violence, coercion or fear are not ordinary disagreements. Do not use joint exercises when unsafe; seek specialist support.